I’ve been using free time during this period of privileged unemployment to rediscover who I am, spanning from my own gender identity to what I want to create as an individual. For the past week, I drew inspiration from my favorite video game Overwatch and sketched fanarts of it everyday. Through this process, I found immense joy in learning new techniques as find my own voice to bring these favorite characters to life.

All is hopeful and joyous until I hit a block: a block not creative in nature, but this monumental doubt of what I’m supporting in this process. It was just revealed in a lawsuit from The California Department of Fair Employment and Housing that Activision Blizzard, the game’s publisher, has been chronically discriminating against women (many content warnings ahead), denying fair compensation, ignoring rampant sexual harassment, openly passing around nude photos of female employees, and eventually resulting in one of them taking their own life on a company trip. This is especially infuriating as the company brands both itself and its games as inclusive.

In the software industry, A/B testing is the practice to show users variations of the same content. The difference can be color, size, layout, text/image/video content, and just about every other aspect of the user experience, including pricing. The idea is to run experiments and find the optimal variation to prescribe as the new default for all users. (This sounds very noble, but it can sometimes be used to just try to extract maximum revenue from users without realistic change in content)

So the question is, can one A/B test themselves? I have two ideas.

I promised to write daily, but really can’t today due to persistent thumb pain from excessive Overwatch practice in an impromptu coaching session. It’s funny because I actually started writing today’s post about an existential anxiety expressed through the lens of the game, but now I can’t because I played it too much.

I don’t do well with optionality. When faced with choices, I often go into rabbit-holes researching the pros and cons of each, eventually reaching an indecision. The process can be agonizing, and sometimes result in missing crucial deadlines.

I don’t have a good framework for dealing with this quandary (suggestions welcome). For now, I just want to articulate the latest indecision on what to write about.

I recently resumed anti-depressants after a few months pause due to insurance lapse, took a tiny THC gummy, and watched the Pixar film Luca with family. The night greeted me with the most fantastic dream, and I woke up feeling like I actually slept for once.

The anti-depressants are working. Let’s talk about them.